I'll Never Know
by WillYouVanish
Summary: Santana isn't sure what love is, she knows what it is but she doesn't. She wants to feel it but she doesn't. She's scared of what love will hold for her. But she definitely wants to find it. Will a blonde beauty she meets at a store while she and Quinn are looking for a dress for Rachel Berry's celebration party help her figure that out? - Rated M for later chapters.


**A/N **

**Hmm, trying something new, review if you like! Otherwise i won't know whether to carry on or not..**

* * *

Love is different in many ways. Love is not purposefully chosen, it is a mystery. To me, love is when you're about to fall into slumber while your parent is tenderly brushing your scalp because that's the thing that helps you sleep, they're so tired but they want to see you sleep first; because you're more important. They stop, thinking you're asleep.

"Don't stop"

"Okay"

And they will carry on until you are in a world full of dreams. That's what love is, love is tender and misunderstood. I've never been in love, i mean i've liked a couple of girls, a lot. But never love. I would love to understand how it feels, how people say it's like paradise when they kiss their loved one, how it's an electric shock when they accidentally touch, but most of all how that person makes them perceive themselves, their partner will willfully be oblivious to their lovers imperfections because they are so numbed by love it doesn't matter. That's what i want.

As i look in the mirror i think people see me as a bitchy, impertinent and selfish girl who doesn't care about peoples feelings, but i'm not, i just have my guards up because i need to, when they come down the person that has successfully done so will be my lover. Santana Lopez's lover. I may be confident in a rather immodest way but i might aswell make the most of my looks if i apparently do not have the personality to match, but whatever. I just want to float away into a place where existence is small and feelings are non-existent, but this is the left side of my brain thinking, that part that everyone else is impervious to, the right side is confident Santana, and she's fucking awesome.

"Santana! Get ready, we're going to be late!" Quinn bellowed up the stairs to me while i was in the bathroom fixing my hair, as my brunette curls fell effortlessly down my shoulders.

"Shut it Fabray i'm coming!"

"We still need to get your dress, so hurry up!", I feel a soft object make contact with my back and i turn around swiftly to see my attacker.

"What the hell was that for!", i ask scowling at Quinn.

"You've been in here for about", Quinn checks her watch, "1 hour and 25 minutes, now get your butt downstairs otherwise i won't hesitate to do that myself", She says, glaring.

"Please, it takes time to look this sexy Quinn", i reply. "But obviously you wouldn't know" I wink at her playfully and she breaks out of her scowl and laughs lightly.

"Whatever, just hurry up"

* * *

We're at the one of my favourite clothing shops in the shopping centre, searching for something to wear tonight at Rachel's celebration party, i mean great she finally got signed to a label but why does she have to celebrate for god sakes. Rachel's one of the most annoying people i know, without a doubt, but i still love her, just a little bit, a tiny bit, smaller than that. Yuck, why am i even thinking about the hobbit in my free time, i'm not going soft am i? Hell no.

Quinn is looking at the the dress section while i'm doing the same. I'm not really into dresses unless they're gonna help me get some, if you know what i mean, but Rachel's party definitely doesn't seem like a place that's going to happen. I look at Quinn and see shes got her 'should i try this on' face on, her eyebrows are scrunched together and her lips sucked in. She's been moaning at me all fucking day maybe if she tries that on i'll get a break, and i know Quinn takes a while to try on dresses.

"You gonna try that on or not?", I question.

"I'm not sure", She answers genuinely confused, "What do you think?", She holds it up to herself and it looks pretty hot, it has a black bow in the middle and the dress itself looks like it would cling to her body, it has a silky appearance and it's pretty long, but that's Quinn for you, elegance only.

"Yeah whatever it's hot, i'd think you're trying to get someones attention if i didn't know better"

"W-what? No, i mean, i-i'll go try it on now" She says as she timidly walks to the changing rooms.

Well that was weird. I'll have to give her the 20 questions later, now it's time to findz me a dress. i roam over all of the dresses and i don't really think they're my scene. Looking around the shop i'm about to ask a worker if they have anything more my style when someone taps my shoulder.

"This would really suit you"

Wow. i don't think i've been so mesmerized in my life. This girl is beautiful, i mean is she even real? Her blonde curls fall to her shoulders, her lips glisten slightly as she runs the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip, her eyelashes long and fluent, and her eyes, her eyes hold a certain enigma that i want to know about, they're so blue that i'm almost perplexed at where they finish and start, she's hypnotizing. She holds a secret eroticism that astounds me, she's so fucking hot.

"You're so hot" I word vomit and internally slap myself, fuck she's going to think i'm some fucking creeper, what the hell what am i thinking she probably isn't even into girls.

"Ditto" She smiles, a smile that is so foreign to me i want to see it again. A thousand times. I return the smile and that action itself has left me startled, if someone i don't know just tapped me on my shoulder interrupting my shopping time and telling me what they think suited me i would usually have been going all lima heights on their asses. But she intrigues me.

"S-So you really think this suits me?" I ask with a hint of uncertainty.

"Oh yeah definitely, you'd look hot" She grins and then it falls a little, "Wait not because you don't look hot now because you definitely do, i mean i couldn't stop staring at you from over there" She points with her thumb gesturing with her thumb, she carries on and it's so cute seeing her so nervous. "I wanted to speak to you but you looked quite intimidating and i didn't want to bother you because you looked so content in your own little world, but then i saw you were looking for a dress and i saw this one" She hold up the one still in her hands, "And i couldn't help but think it'd look great on you, but now you must think i'm some perv so i guess i'll just go? If you want.." She finishes her ramble and i can't help but smile at her in awe.

"Hey, no way, i think you're awesome, even though i don't know you, you seem like a cool person, and hot as hell" I grin at her. "And this dress would look pretty great on me" I smirk. "I guess i'll try it on" I add and take the dress from her accidentally bumping her hands with mine, i feel infinite in that millisecond, and i think she feels it too.

* * *

"So you mean she just come up to you telling you what you should wear and you never kicked her ass?" Quinn questioned, generally confused.

"Yeah, i know it's crazy but i mean, she was.. different? I don't know, maybe i'm just being stupid but she made me feel something and i'm not sure what."

"Awwww! Santana's in love!" Quinn teases.

"Shutup Fabray and just zip up this dress for me" I huff.

Quinn complies and pulls up the zip at the back, i look at myself in my bedroom mirror and i look smokin' i guess that girl was right. I never even got her name? What the hell is wrong with me! I bet it was something beautiful that sounds perfect rolling off the tip of my tongue, maybe it sounds perfect when i would ask her serious questions and start with saying her name making it sound extra serious. But i guess i'll never know.


End file.
